Hidden: The Invisible Pain by Haedam Im

“Mom-Chung,” a cutting remark—Ji-young felt a stroke of severe pain in her  heart. The short one-word disparaging mothers made her overwhelmed with  emotion, recalling the bitter memories she had experienced as a mother. Mom Chung is a compound word of mom and “Chung,” meaning bug: a child-rearing bug.  The word Mom-Chung denigrates ordinary mothers’ love and sacrifice towards their  children. Ji-young speaks out of her sore heart, “I overcame all the pain to have a  child and gave up my career, my dreams, my life, and all of myself to raise my child.  And then I became a bug. What did I live for?” For many Korean women, this heart wrenching scene from the book Kim Ji-young, Born 1982 landed close to their heart.  Though many people—including men—have always encountered such pain of women, it has always been considered a matter of course, rather than gender  discrimination. 

For a long time span, Korean society revolved around Confucianism. Although  formal Confucian rituals have decreased remarkably over the years, underlying  Confucian beliefs still form the backbone of Korean thought. Not all that long ago, Korean wives were referred to as an “inner-person,” a patriarchal relic of  Confucianism. Women had the responsibility to bear the weight of parenting in  solitude. In contrast, men were called “outer-person”: men were in charge of all  outside activities, including making money. They had the preference to study, govern,  and had inheritance. Compared to child rearing and household duties of women, men's work was considered more valuable and momentous. Until now, people are  too well acquainted with these thoughts, and mothers are burdened with the  massive responsibility to take care of children all alone.

All day long, looking after children, mothers don't even have a minute to take  a break. Although all jobs have a closing hour, the duty of a mother continues  through day and night, for years. Fathers back from work, expect their wife to serve  them in return for their tiring office hours, instead of willing to help wife’s duties.  Earning quantifiable outcomes, stipends, fathers often overlook wife’s hard labor and  efforts, as the only evidence is the drops of sweat veiled underneath their clothes. A  mother often has her heart broken when her devoted love isn’t appreciated, but  rather comes back as tantrums and discouraging words of their children and  husband. 

Like this, the sacrificial imagery of motherhood has been engraved into the  Korean ethos as nothing more than an obligation. Maternal love is taken for granted  in Korea. In fact, some people deride mothers' love for their children. The term  “Mom-Chung” originated from these ideas as well. Women's struggles as a mother  are often concealed behind these natural irresponsible attitudes of typical Koreans— 

that parenting of a mother is only to be expected. 

In recent years, women's rights have expanded and mothers started to join  the workforce as so-called “working moms.” Contradictorily, this has formed new  prejudices against mothers as a side-effect. Most men think that working moms  have the opportunity to work because they are exceptional and more outstanding in  terms of capability. As a matter of fact, working moms also believe that they are  leading a superior lifestyle compared to other housewives at first. However, the truth  is that many housewives are perfectly capable of returning to work, but they’ve  sacrificed the opportunity for the future of their children. Furthermore, some working  moms even feel guilty about themselves for not fulfilling their responsibilities as a  mother or an employee well enough. Mothers don't wish to be categorized as 

“working moms” nor “housewives.” They just wish to be a sincere employee or a  mother giving all the love she can give to the child. 

Entering the new millennium, the public view on gender roles has changed,  and institutional support for gender equality has drastically improved. However,  ironically, such structural improvements have blinded the public from the  interpersonal and ordinary discrimination against women that is still very much  ongoing: the Confucian values overwhelm our minds as heretofore, the imagery of a  mother bears women a sacrificing responsibility of parenting, and biases on working  moms are neoterically formed. Sexism remains woven into our customs and  practices, making people feel subconsciously complacent with the status quo. That is  how the discrimination of a bygone era lies hidden to this day oppressing women's  lives ad nauseam. Legal and governmental reform is, of course, obligatory, but the  Korean society has to step up and unravel its fundamental values in order to truly  end everyday-discrimination against women.