Because You’re A Girl by Seonjeong “Sophie” Kim

“Because you’re a girl.” Whenever I asked my parents why I couldn’t do what my brother was doing, this is the answer I got. The list of things that girls are apparently not allowed to do grew  longer each year and include sleeping at a friend’s house, staying out after the sun goes down, and  wearing shorts that are “too short.” When I challenged their response, they reminded me of all the  famous incidences of sexual violence against women. They always end the discussion by warning  me to behave more carefully as if my sexual violence risk is determined by the length of my shorts. 

This is the sad truth: too many people in Korea think women provoke sexual violence. People say  crazy things like, “she shouldn’t have smiled so much at him,” or “he paid for her dinner, what did  she expect?” These are the actual sort of reasons the assailants give to the police though, which  means that a lot of people are more ready to agree with the assailant than with the woman who was  attacked. The challenge that girls like me face is how to handle worrying about our safety and  worrying about how we are perceived at the same time. It is kind of a twisted balancing act. 

In schools, businesses, churches, and on the street, women are accused of inviting sexual violence  everywhere they go. Too pretty? “You’re asking for it.” Friends with a guy? “You’re asking for it.”  Too outgoing? “You’re asking for it.” Even in the virtual world of the internet, women are accused  of “asking for it.” Korea’s pop stars and female celebrities are especially targeted by cyberbullies  and internet trolls who talk about them in the most disgusting ways. It seems like almost  everything a girl does is labelled as an invitation for men to creep around her. 

Sometimes, I think I would be more worried about how people would look at me if I was sexually  assaulted than the terror of sexual assault itself. Then I think about how insane that is. How can  this be normal? 

It bothers me that we have been forced to listen to stuff like this for so long that some of us even  believe it ourselves. Women in Korea are probably just as likely as men to accuse other women of  inviting sexual violence. I’ve even heard other girls my age say things like this. I expect sexism from  men, but hearing the same words come from women is really hard to understand.  

I guess it’s a cultural thing that we have been stuck with for too long. Korean women are still expected to play a really narrow role that involves pleasing a husband, staying attractive through 

plastic surgery, and raising the family from the home. Women who don’t behave are criticized. We  are taught that unless we’re super talented, we will have to find a suitable partner in marriage, so  we should try to be as attractive as possible. But if a girl is too attractive, she can be accused of  inviting an attack. Does that make any sense? 

I think we will have to keep fighting if we want to break this cycle of violence and prejudice. There  is reason to be hopeful, because a lot more women in Korea are starting to raise an outcry over  these problems. I hope we are successful in defeating this challenge, so that I never have to hear  “because you’re a girl” again.