"Ilaw ng Tahanan: A Mother’s Place" by Amanda Kirsten Chia Sy
Whispers of an unmarried woman in her forties slither down the grapevine, and the room erupts in pity. She had exhibited a striking talent, beauty, and brilliance from childhood, yet what a shame her life has become. It is with great sorrow that the community sympathizes with the misguidance of her scholarly education, the scandal of her successful career, and her crime of a pursued dream. She is too arrogant, a recluse, and ever-so conceited; it is of little surprise she could not secure a husband. She is my aunt, and she is my teacher, and she is my neighbor; my parents worry she would forever lead a hollow life. She is a stranger, she is a Filipino, and she is a failure.
The notion of family is so deeply ingrained into Filipino culture that the adhesion to familial roles is viewed as the precedent to strive towards. Young Filipinas are raised to understand marriage as a milestone and nurturing children as their purpose – tying them to their traditional roles as housewives and mothers. This long-accepted mindset has rooted itself into the minds of Filipinas, establishing a society that rejects change and scorns outliers.
In spite of the reversal of the gender gap in education, the gender gap in the labor force in the Philippines remains one of the widest in ASEAN. In 2019, only 49% of Filipino women were working, in contrast to 76% of Filipino men. This statistic may be attributed to the societal norms of women's responsibilities. A 2021 nationalistically representative survey revealed that 80% of women and 75% of men believe that men should be the breadwinners of the household, and a woman’s role is to look after the family from home. This leaves 20% of Filipinas stranded – 11 million women trapped by societal expectations, and thus hindered from pursuing their careers or derided for doing so.
It is often said that a woman’s value decreases as she gets older and that a woman in her forties does not hold the same power as one in her twenties. This view is not restricted to the Philippines; however, it heavily influences how women view the aforementioned milestone of marriage – they are on a timer. Not only does this place judgment on older unmarried women, but it also jeopardizes younger ones. Due to their expected familial roles, young Filipinas are pressured to marry and start a family from a young age to preserve their perceived value, leaving 17% of girls, minors under the age of 18, subjected to child marriage – 1 in every 6 Filipinas are robbed of their education, development, and freedom – 1 in every 6 Filipinas are subjected to human rights infringement and an increased risk of domestic violence and abuse.
The Philippines’ strict ideals of familial roles ostracize any who don’t comply: a woman who never wishes to marry, a woman who was not born as one, a woman who marries another. The
LGBTQ+ community does not fit into their traditional standard, leaving them to be not only shunned but also endangered. In the past 8 years, eight trans women have been murdered, and while they may never have fit into the Philippines’ conventional notion of a housewife, or a mother, they were still Filipinos.
We Filipinos have a saying: a mother’s place is the “Ilaw ng Tahanan” – the light of the home. It is a beautiful quote, one that highlights the reverence of a mother’s love; however, the ramifications of our conservative attitude towards a woman’s role in society have stripped them of the ability to pursue their dreams, coerced millions of young Filipinas into marriage, and threatened the safety of the LGBTQ+ community. The government has tried implementing laws to prevent young marriages, or protect the LGBTQ+, yet they fail to tackle the heart of the issue – an underlying historic mindset that plagues our culture and people. The solution is no law, nor policy, nor legislation – it is a personal movement, an internal rejection of a once cemented mindset, one that can start with you and begins in me.
A woman passes me by on the street. She is unmarried, she is on her way to work, and she is a lesbian. She is a stranger, and she is a Filipino, but she is no failure. I know from the shine in her eyes, and the perk of her smile that her dreams are just within reach, and I decide then, that when I grow up, I want to be just like her.
Bibliography
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● Filipino Culture - Family. (2017). Cultural Atlas.
https://culturalatlas.sbs.com.au/filipino-culture/filipino-culture-family
● Cabegin, E., & Gaddi, R. (2019). Determinants of Female Labor Force Participation in the Philippines Determinants of female labor force participation in the Philippines. https://neda.gov.ph/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/Determinants-of-Female-Labor-Force-Partici pation-in-the-Philippines.pdf
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