What happens at home must stay at home! A painful advice to Turkish women and girls by Melda Parlakışık

The women can beautify everything they touch but, are subjected to violence and abuse in  many cities throughout Turkey - perhaps under separate roofs, but all for the same horrible  reasons. At the center of this violence lies the understanding of patriarchal, male-controlled  society. It places women in an inferior position in society. In the shadow of the principles  imposed by this belief, more and more women and girls in Turkey are exposed to brutality and  even become victims of femicide. The notion of "what happens at home must stay at home" is  forced upon young girls, and unfortunately, they grow up to be women believing that they should  stay silent against aggression. In Turkey, the biggest challenge facing women and girls is this  patriarchal system and the belief that any problem at home needs to stay at home and must not be  shared with the outside world. 

The data of femicides committed in Turkey between 2010 and 2020 are overwhelming.1 Femicides increased by at least 25%. The number one perpetrator of femicides was the husband.  1 out of 5 women was killed only because they wanted a divorce. Again, 1 out of every five  women killed was a victim of violence and harassment. Also, compelling data shows that 6 out of  every ten women killed had previously applied for protection because they feared for their life. In  other words, women did try to raise their voices before they were killed and had requested help.  Unfortunately, the violence usually continued, as it generally did not end with a restraining order.  Emine Bulut was stabbed to death by her ex-husband on August 18, 2019. 2 She made the  headlines. Despite being brutally murdered in front of her child, the prosecutor requested a  discount for good behavior and insisted that Emine provoked the ex-husband. Özgecan Aslan,  Pınar Gültekin, Hazal Tektaş, Duygu Delen, Çilem Kılıç. Beyond those whose names are  reflected in the media, there are many women we do not know about. However, the common fact  between all is that they are all victims of femicide and the reason is supposedly "love" and even  "honor." A big lie that all murderers hide behind: "Honor!" 

Violence against women has become a universal tool that institutionalizes discrimination  against women and maintains the patriarchal relationship system. The women are subjected to  horrific acts such as beatings, rape, torture, and killings by their relatives. However, they remain  silenced in the background, under the pretext of "family privacy" imposed by Turkish society.  The anxiety and fear of "what will people say?" restrains many women's voices. Even so, is it  possible to talk about privacy when it comes to violence? Turkish society has an understanding;  People who live in traditional environments and grow up in patriarchal families say, "what  happens at home must stay at home." 

Istanbul Convention was the human rights treaty of the Council of Europe against violence  against women and domestic violence opened for signature on May 11, 2011, in Istanbul,  Turkey.3 The contract was set out for a world where women would be protected and could raise  their voices without fear to seek help when necessary. Unfortunately, the Turkish government  decided to withdraw from the contract in 2021 because it believed it normalized homosexuality.  The perception of a contract that opposes all forms of violence, aiming to create a free and safe  living space for women and their children, was perceived as a threat and terminated overnight.  Unfortunately, this opened the door to even more femicides and violence. 

 "He is your husband! He can love and beat at the same time! What happens at home must  stay at home!" Turkish women want this advice to end. They want their daughters to grow up  believing that they should be allowed to speak freely about their problems, their fears, and their  pain. They should not be isolated and silenced under the pretense of privacy in the patriarchal  society.