DIRT: The Burdens of Skin Color in India by Megh Bindra

It was the summer of 2013 and I was 10 years old. 

The season was a golden time filled with the sticky sweet syrup of childhood idealism. These days were a peculiar transition, the times before I was thrust into womanhood and the brutal expectations that came along with it. The days of childhood were gone, and the welcoming world as I knew it began to change. Unfortunately, my naivety did not change along with it. 

So it goes -- the sun had set on our seemingly eternal summer. 

No longer could we roughhouse with the boys, dolls and dresses were thrust into our hands, and the doors and windows were shut to the garden. “It’s time to grow up,” the adults said, “What will people say?” Being out in the sun all day made you ‘dark,’ and god forbid you embrace the melanin in your skin. 

I remember my first pair of Old Navy shorts. I was so excited to wear a new pair, finally no more hand-me-downs from my older sister. I stared in the mirror at myself, joyous at the way the blue reflected off my tan skin. 

The ‘aunties’ gathered at dusk in the lawn. As usual, they were gossiping over tea with their ‘salwar kameez’ lit by the pearly moonlight. One opened her mouth as she turned her attention to my approaching figure. Her tongue was sharp, and she spoke in words coated with pink lipstick, “You are a dark skinny little thing, aren’t you?” She gave me a cold once over, “Do you even feed this child?” Her words came like daggers at my heart. 

That night, sitting in my mom’s arms, I cried. Why did I suddenly wish my legs were detachable, just like the pale Barbie dolls sitting pretty in a row in my room? Why couldn’t I be normal? 

Throughout my childhood, I was bombarded with ‘Fair and Lovely’ cream commercials. I was told an Indian girl should look fair, hairless, and thin. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, scrutinizing every bit of myself in comparison to the fair skinned Bollywood actresses I saw on TV. 

I shut my eyes, imagining what it would be like to be them. 

Nevertheless, you can’t keep your eyes closed forever. You can’t keep them closed to the injustices faced by girls who are seen as a burden because of the color of their skin. So I opened my eyes and I was back to being the same girl with the bushy unibrow, because although I was born into a family where all skin colors were appreciated, I will not be blind to their maltreatments.

Skinny, but not too skinny. Olive-toned, but never dark. It is this paradox and these unrealistic standards that we chase our entire lives, perpetuating a vicious cycle of self hatred and inferiority. 

Instead of changing these prejudices, those who bear these injustices are further victimized and told to change. It is us who are told that our femininity, even skin, is a crime to be locked away. 

For that reason, I believe the biggest problem in my country are the demeaning beauty standards placed upon women. In India, Eurocentric features are placed on a pedestal, and those who embrace the colors of their brown skin are seen as “dirty,” or of a lower social standing. 

I want to challenge this colonial mindset that has dug its ugly claws deep into India’s media, brainwashing young girls into thinking our melanin serves as a barrier between us and “true beauty.” 

In India, 60% of women say they use fairness products. By fetishizing pale skin and solely portraying that in the media, they have created a society centered on the obsession to be white. The harsh truth is that you either conform to what they want a woman to be, or be deemed as “ugly” for not fitting their stringent standards. 

I want more representation in the media for all types of girls. No, I don’t want them to be the extras in the movie, or the goofy sidekicks, I want them front and center as the main characters. I want a world where brown skin is not associated with dirt, but with the sand by the sea, golden molasses, and honey. A world where skin color is nothing more than just that -- a simple color. 

Because the truth is, I will never look like a Barbie doll, and my skin will never be pale, but I will always be beautiful.