In Silence: the Reality of Unwed Single Mothers in South Korea by Angela Lee

As the month of May approaches, many South Koreans begin to prepare for celebrations and plan family gatherings and vacations. One may wonder, “What is so special about May?”. The truth is, it is known as the “family month”. With a series of family-oriented holidays such as Children’s Day and Parents’ Day, the month of May encourages many to spend time with their families. TV channels stream family-oriented programs and advertisements while store racks are filled with children’s toys and flowers. One special holiday, however, often goes unnoticed during this special month of May: Single Mother’s Day. Since the early 2010s, some have begun to use this occasion to promote awareness and break the stigma surrounding single parenthood. 

Built on Confucian culture and hierarchical system, South Korea strongly prioritizes traditional family units, composed of parents and children. Unwed single mothers, not fitting the society’s family norm, are often faced with discrimination and outcasted from society. In 2020, according to the Korean Statistical Information Service, there were an estimated 20,761 households led by unmarried mothers though some speculate that the actual number may be higher considering the stigma and fear of discrimination surrounding unmarried status. The number of unwed mothers raising children continues to grow yet, in a society that strongly values traditional family and bloodline, they not only face discrimination but also a lack of social and financial support. 

Due to the stigma surrounding single parenthood and the highly valued “traditional norm” of family structure, unwed mothers in South Korea are faced with discrimination and shame, making it harder for them to maintain family relationships, meet a partner, and even find jobs. While colleagues and family members treat them with cold shoulder and disapproval, some even shamefully accuse them of being sexually promiscuous. For instance, on top of the existing gender discrimination in employment in South Korea, single mothers face further obstacles. During job interviews, they ask for marital and family status, which can penalize single mothers. This partially explains why some even hide their pregnancies and find it impossible to take maternity leave considering the existing social stigma and the desire to maintain self-censorship and avoid ostracization from colleagues in the workplace. 

Alongside social prejudice, unwed mothers struggle with the lack of social and financial support, especially from the government. Though many changes have occurred throughout the years, the current system is structured into an all-or-nothing system. Due to stringent restrictions on age and income (including the mother’s family’s income) to be qualified for government assistance, many are conflicted on whether they should pursue a better and attempt to earn more or continue their current job and receive government assistance. Though smaller programs may differ depending on the local government, in 2018, the rule for the federal assistance programs was established that single mothers are no longer eligible for single-parent family assistance once they begin to make 1.48 million won ($1,380) or more a month. Such regulation disincentivizes many from working full-time and becoming independent, especially those who have previously fully relied on welfare facilities. 

On top of social stigma and financial struggles, inadequate government assistance programs available for unwed mothers on raising children and information about them make many women feel as if they have no other option but to give up their children for adoption. With only a few shelters geared toward assisting mothers to raise their children, a report in 2015 found that 90% of Korean adoptees are born to unwed mothers who lack the resources to raise a child alone and are vulnerable to social stigmatization. The pattern of stigma and lack of choices for unwed mothers is further exacerbated by two policies: (1) higher tax requirements for single parents living alone with their children than married couples with children at similar income and (2) the continuous cycle of violations of female reproductive rights in South Korea. For instance, women have long fought for access to abortion in South Korea and only recently, on January 1, 2021, abortion was decriminalized at last according to the Library of Congress. Such limitations have posed conflicts for unwed mothers and their children. 

Though some may say that progress is being made, considering that a 2020 survey by Statistics Korea found that 31% of South Koreans accept having children without getting married, a report has found that COVID-19 has worsened the situation for unwed single mothers in terms of childcare, finance, and mental health. To prevent further silencing and ostracization of unwed mothers, greater public awareness and media coverage are needed as well as improvements in public policy in terms of financial support. They deserve to be acknowledged, supported, and celebrated. Happy Single Mother’s Day.