Staying Alive by Defne Kutay
Staying alive as a female in Turkey in itself is the biggest challenge because of the grossly normalized patriarchal societal norms and expectations. In Turkey, by default, women are seen as mindless unimportant objects. As far as men are concerned, they can just act as they please, and women will simply have to obey their decisions. Women have to overcome invisible yet enormous barriers just to be able to get to the same level as men.
Being a woman in Turkey means that you have to be constantly anxious about the danger you might be in. It means that you have to worry about being sexually assaulted while walking through a street at night or while taking a cab alone or even while wearing something other than baggy clothes to public transport. It means that you will never have complete freedom over your own life, not only because of the possessive small-minded men in your life but also because of the insatiable strange men who lack self-control. It means that you will be blamed for being the victim of a man’s selfishly nonchalant actions because society never expects men to control themselves. At the end of the day, “Boys will be boys,” right? It is always girls who must cover themselves, contain their desires, and behave appropriately. The fault is always at the girl who was wearing a sleeveless t-shirt, or the woman who was laughing out loud. Therefore, when she turns to others for help they will almost inevitably ask, “What was she wearing? What was she doing there at that time of the day?” or say “She was asking for it.” because seemingly, men are never at fault. Then, it becomes painfully common to see news about women who have been assaulted and brutally murdered. People share these pictures on their social media accounts to show their disapproval. However, any kind of action that could actually prevent something similar from happening in the future is never ever taken.
In Turkey, there is this understanding that the woman becomes the man’s property once they get married. She immediately gets integrated into the husband’s life. She becomes obligated to serve the husband and fit in with his family. If the wife dares to defy any of these expectations, the husband unquestionably has the right to emotionally and physically abuse her. This is the reason why the number of women that have died of violence in Turkey throughout one year is more than the number of days in a year.
The potential of women has always been kept under wraps. Many fathers in Turkey do not grant their daughters the right to education. Sending their little girls even only to primary school is deemed to be a waste of time and money. Instead, they choose to give their daughters away to much older men just for the bride price. No attention is paid to the daughter's happiness or future. The girls who are lucky enough to receive proper education and graduate don’t get to live their dreams either. When it comes to employment, men are always preferred over women even though they have the same qualifications. Opportunities are always presented to men on silver platters, but women have to break glass ceilings. Women’s accomplishments are undervalued, sidelined, and disregarded whereas men’s achievements are glorified, celebrated, and rewarded. When it comes to having a say in important conversations, the voice of multiple women is rarely ever equal to the voice of a singular man. Even if that conversation is about the women’s bodies.
In daily life, in marriage, in education, and in the business world, women are constantly subjected to unfair treatment. Nevertheless, if a woman is brave enough to call men out for their belittling behavior, she is called crazy and unreasonable. Nowadays, many men would proudly say that they are not feminists, and they would be so quick to deem that feminism is irrational because they are not the ones whose freedom is being suppressed. They are not the ones who have to deal with all of the constraining conventions. It is always so easy to underestimate the problem if it doesn’t make life difficult for you specifically, and therein lies the catch. Yes, we should make women’s voices be heard, but we shouldn’t stop there. Society should begin actually caring about the fight we women give every day of our lives and decide to make an effort. Otherwise, nothing will change.