The Filipina Woman Raising a Flower on Rocky Soil By Emrich Baltazar

I am a constant reminder of my mother’s mistake. There have been many incidents wherein she’d  tell me, out of anger, that I am worthless and that I should just pack my bags and live elsewhere.  But the most striking times are when she would not have heightened emotions at all. My mother  would tell me casually, “You are the root of my suffering. I wish I never had you.” My eyes would  lock onto her and I would nod slowly, and walk away as I let the words of rejection fragment the  foundation of my childhood, bearing fruit to insecurity and self-hatred.  

In the Philippines, there are about 15 million solo parents. 14 million of whom are women and one  of them is my mom. Nothing is uncommon about having shortcomings in raising a child, but being  a single parent can give an abundant amount of opportunities for one to fail. It all starts with the  relationship between the couple. A man and a woman seemingly happy in each other’s presence,  thinking that they should start a family together even if there is still much to know about one  another. This mistake is the true root of all suffering. It is caused by one’s recklessness and instant  gratification. Living in a soiled country such as the Philippines would add to the amount of  hardship that the couple will face, leading to destitution.  

At a young age, my parents lived together in my father’s house. My father was 17 and my mother  was 21 when they had me. I vividly remember sitting in front of the television while my mother  studied and worked for the family. However, my father would sometimes skip classes and bring  home friends from school. They would laugh and talk about how great life is. It isn’t. Looking  back at it now, it feels insulting. He was a man with a responsibility, and he failed to uphold it. It  did not take long for my mother and I to leave my father due to his idleness and degeneracy.  

Generally, there are multiple reasons why a mother has to raise a child on her own. One is  unwanted teenage pregnancy where a woman below 18 will most likely be left to her own devices.  The lack of access to contraceptives is also a contributing factor to this. With the Philippines  predominantly being Catholic, there is stigma revolving around the use of contraceptives and  abortion. Another is extramarital sex where a married man engages in sexual affairs with one that  isn’t his wife (Global Policy Review, 2020).  

Raising a child alone can bring psychological and financial distress to both the mother and the  child. A mother might have to work multiple jobs in order to support her family members while  the absence of a father during a woman’s childhood can lead to unhealthy romantic relationships  rooting from insecurity. This is because fathers are essential in providing a sense of self-control.  (Romero, 2014). Childhood is a crucial period in one’s life and a fractured one can lead to trauma  and suspended mental growth which can influence one’s mindset. Isolation and intimacy become 

two crashing forces during adolescence besides finding one’s identity. The lack of affection  growing up is compensated through the numerous, brief romantic relationships one may have.  

On the other hand, the mother is brought to the reality of multiple hardships such as discrimination  in the workplace, making one have a harder time finding a job. With detrimental factors present,  it is likely that one may engage in illegal jobs as a source of income. One may even look up foreign  men in the hopes of being taken away from the country in addition to financial support, but these  foreign men seldom have no promises to hold. A double-edged sword.

With these said, one should make wiser decisions in family planning, men should be more  responsible fathers, and the community should work together towards having a better environment  for children to grow up in. Being one of the flowers that have grown on rocky soil, I’ve much to  thank my mother for, giving me a better life than what we once had. Although, there are still areas  in my development that I’m trying to make up for because my mother could not. Dwelling on the  memories of the past will not do me any good. I must learn from my mother’s mistakes and focus  on what I can do now in order to become a better person.