Self-Restraint By Jenessa Lu

The soccer field was in a criss-cross solemn, watching the five-star flag rose slowly to the sky. Arrays of white, a patchwork of discipline and silence. One thousand faces in one direction, a uniform focus. 

From primary school to middle school, my belief system was constructed based upon “self-restraint.” Restrictions and rules, like forbidden lines, embodying authority and power, besieged us in a supposedly safe and orderly campus bubble. School was a code of “dos” and “don’t,” a place where doubts were silenced into obedience, anxiety topped with fear. Looking back, it was easier to instill this questionable belief of self-restraint than questioning it, behaving in its accordance rather than embracing my true self. 

For years, I have seen sports fields opened only to boys, heard men telling me to not lift heavier baggages because these were the “male’s job”and was taught to sit with my legs closed, smiling more“ feminily.” Like millions of other females in China, I was taught to restrain myself and behave as a “good girl,” whose image was itself an exemplary reflection of a hierarchical system. I know who I should be, but I do not know who I truly am. The suppression of females based on the belief of self-restraint results in a fundamental self-disbelief among women. From critiques of feminism to courses of female virtues, self-restraint, praised as a merit rather than an avoidance from social issues, has been one of the biggest challenges Chinese females faced in the current. 

In 2015, New York Times reported that Chinese police officers detained and then released five feminism activists who “tried to start a campaign against sexual harassment on public transportation.” The detention of the women — now known to some as the Feminist Five — has inspired international condemnation of China, including from senior American politicians. Hillary Clinton and Samantha Power. Criminalizing and silencing activism, a warning of the consequences of rebel and anti-subservience, not only discouraged activism but also punished it. By publicizing domestic violence and marching through capital districts, those feminism activists challenged the authority and, to some extent, encouraged future movements alike. Their bravery was soon shushed by closed doors, behind jail bars and scrutinization. Events like this largely discouraged others, to stand out and speak up because of the perpetrator, whom we outranked in privileges, power and the capacity to fight back. 

In addition, reported by BBC news, “female virtue courses” run by private agencies in northern China, where lecturers speaking out directly against gender equality, was recorded and posted online in the Pear Video website. Training in knitting and weaving in supposedly “feminine” postures, promotions of subservient virtues and its ideology encouraged many conformity of paternal regulations. Telling women to stay at home, be unnoticeable in the crowds, clinging to regulations-- those subservient qualities and the ideology not only discouraged female independence but also solidified a patriarchal power. Needless to say, actions like this filtered down into everyone’s life, from school to workplace, where a strict relationship between the authority and the obedient. Disrespect invites only disrespects; violence incites more violence.

Though China’s modernization has astonished the globe after the emancipation of economicgrowth and individual well-being, the society lags behind the world of “Me Too.” From detention offeminism activism to promotions of sexiest values, self-restraint has been filtered and viewed in our lifeas a quality to help us evade troubles. Self-restraint was an evasion, quick get-away from punishments.Therefore, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what we must do next when the essence of the issue lies withinthe perpetrator of power. However, through platforms such as social media and education, we can letmore people know and therefore sympathize and understand our situations. Raising voices and spreading the stories of those unheard and underestimated are what we should now do.