Essay By Hakima Amiri

In Afghanistan, like most Middle Eastern countries, women are often under-estimated and approached with condescending comments and jokes. Fear from men has been injected into their veins from childhood. Most importantly the sense of communication, empathy, action, helping and uplifting of each other has been stripped away from them by stoning them to death, killing them, sometimes even burying them alive. The thought of helping out each other has not dared enter their minds due to the toxic atmosphere in the society. 

It is clear that in the system of oppression, the victims of discrimination and violence, emotionally and physically, are too focued on fighting the problems they are facing each day that the thought of building a supportive might even vanish. Programs and/or the feeling of support among the women in Afghanistan has been destroyed to a large extent by several factors, one of the main ones is the pressure of bringing honor to a family. Afghanistan is a place where gossip could bring down the honor of a family and finally even result in the destruction of the family. People try whatever they can to protect their honor and image. Unfortunately when the men or boys do wrong, girls are used to fix the image and the mistake. In some parts of my country, when one man of a family is killed by another family, a daughter is offered to bring peace among the families. I have witnessed situations where the family of the girl has literally pushed her into the home of the other family. The other family in return then kicks out the girl. She becomes a scorned object who is punished, beaten, sexually abused, and pushed from one home to another. It is frustrating and disappointing just to think about the treatment of women in some of these disgusting traditions. Inhumane traditions still live like dangerous viruses in many areas in my home country. 

When a boy in the house is sick, rituals are done on a ‘pure’ girl with the belief that God will transfer the sickness to her, then she will be kicked out of the house which will lead to her death, eventually. The reason as to why the women in the families decide to participate or be a party to these traditions goes back to the desire by women not wanting to destroy the honor of the family and to keep the men happy and satisfied. These traditions are no surprise to the people in Afghanistan and to think about the root of these traditions, it is no surprise that all of them have originated from conservative Islamic areas where the Islamic Leader has the most power. Religion has been used as a tool to construct such inhumane traditions for the pleasure of the religious leaders. 

Afghanistan is indeed a very religious country and that scares me. Religion is such a close and personal decision and yet it is misrepresented by men who call themselves “religious leaders.” Religion is one’s personal decision. Religion can’t be a decided belief for someone. One has to 

decide on their own. Unfortunately, that is not the case in my home country. When a child is born, their religion is decided for them. Religion is such a focus of our country that the Holy Quran is the law and the full name of my country is The Islamic Republic of Afghanistan. When a society is so sensitive about a certain belief, anyone can control the society merely by naming their action after an order of the religious belief. That is exactly what the Mullahs have done. A family’s honor depends on the virginity of their daughter. A girl must cover herself otherwise men will get disturbed and it’s the fault of the woman for not controlling herself. God will punish

a family and bring troubles upon them if they can’t control their daughter. To what extent men are provided with clean clothing and such depends on how much control they have over the women in the family. To what extent the women in the house cover themselves again depends on how much control men have over the women If, however a girl is incapable of doing the household chores well enough, it is her parents’ fault. 

According to the mullahs, it is stated in the Quran that a man has complete control of a woman once married. It is written in the Quran that a woman must do anything her husband pleases to satisfy him. It is in the Quran that if a woman declares a statement another woman must witness the same but as for men, if one man declares something, he is right. This is a misrepresentation of the Quran.Islam is not against women, but our society is.There misrepresentations are even stated in the school books and students, both boys and girls, are forced to memorize them. The problem is that the Quran is written in Arabic and not everyone can understand it even though it is a mandatory subject being taught in school. The translated versions are biased too. People, especially women, no longer can identify if a statement in the Holy Book is valid or not. The most disturbing part is that critical thinking among people is shut down as soon as it rises. Women can’t protect each other if they themselves have difficulty identifying their rights. The result of this scam has been the normalization of physical and emotional abuse. 

After the Mujahideen took over Kabul in 1992 and the Regime of Dr. Mohammad Najibullah Ahmadzia collapsed, the violence commenced. The Mujahideen announced that our society must follow the rules of the Holy Quran. How could one fight against a religion? That was the era when women become victims of ignorance and, unfortunately, that ignorance continues to this day. The Mujahideen used violence as their major tool to control people. Since then violence has flared. We have had more than three decades of violence and war. The people have gotten to the point that if they worry worry’s about every rape or murder case, they will go into a deep depression. 

Violence against women has become a normal part of male/femaleelationships in many familes. When women have conversations about their marriages, sentences are heard such as: “Oh that is normal. He will beat you, that is part of marriage. It will benefit you if you accept it rather than fight against it,” or “ Try hiding the sticks. By the time he finds them, he will be less angry and beat you less.” Women talk about violence as if it is something that happens in their daily routine. It is concerning that women talk about how to decrease the pain or ways to deal with the pain, but not on how to stand up for themselves. One of the women in my own family was blamed and cursed by the neighbor women after she tried to talk back to the man who had beaten her. She had refused to cry in a corner. According to the neighbors she disrespected the male after he had beaten her by talking back.When i heard this as a 5 year old I was confused. The woman had done the right thing. I would have done the same! The women in the neighborhood cursed her and blamed her for not apologizing and talking back.They could have sympathised with her, taken action and blamed the man, and supported each other.

Afghan women today definitely have more power than they have known and that scares the so-called-Islamic leaders. The power women possess within them scared the Mujahideen thirty years ago. They had witnessed the power of women in forieghn countries during WW 3 when women increased the economy the men were at war. The emotional intelligence and kindness in the hearts of women, their warm welcoming sense of acceptance, giveness and their willingness to be fierce when needed while not forgetting where they came from by women like Malalai Joya, Zahra Yagana, Sima Samar, Farkhunda, and so on and that is what scares the kind of men who approach any woman with condescending comments and jokes. Today, women are the most thriving generation in Afghanistan, despite all the barriers in their way to achieving their goals, whatever they may be.Women are working to become doctors, engineers and pilots. They hope to join the army, work in offices, become professors or just simply live a happy life, free of violence or oppression, knowing that standing up and saying “no” is more powerful than any rules, norms or traditions.