"Self-confidence Versus 'Killing Tongues'" by Teresa Grgic

“A woman does not need an education - she belongs in the kitchen.” This is a sentence which a lot of people used to say many years ago. Nowadays, you would say it is ridiculous to even think about something like this attitude. We live in the twenty-first century, the role of the woman has become more important throughout the years and the world has also changed. 

I am an 18-year-old young woman living in Germany and I am about to graduate from high school in a couple of weeks. Although I am still very young, I was and still am confronted with a few situations in my life which make me ask what kind of role equality really plays today. Since my roots are Croatian I spend my summer vacation there every year. Every year I hear irritating comments like “What do you need school for? Just marry rich so you will not have to work”, or something like “How will you find a husband if you just study all the time”, remarks by people for whom the only purpose for a woman`s life is to get married, take care of the family and keep the house clean, without having a proper education because this is “not necessary” as certain people say. 

I must admit that this sounds very incomprehensible for many people, however, it is actually not a rare phenomenon in south-eastern Europe. For me, as a young woman who lives in Germany and who is raised more German it was and it still is very disappointing to hear words like these. 

Fortunately, Germany is a very advanced and progressive country and a large number of the citizens might think that we do not have any issues here since we have a female head of government, which undoubtedly is an immense progress if we have the fact in mind that only nine decades ago women had no opportunity to go to the polls at all. 

However, even though the role of the woman has changed a lot and has become more important over the past years, we have to keep in mind that there are still many women who have to face a lot of difficulties and challenges in their life. One of the biggest challenges a woman may have to face in the German society is oppression, to be more precise verbal and mental oppression. As we all should know a tongue and words have killed more people than any weapon in this entire world. 

It is worth starting at the point that most issues a woman has to go through start at her workplace. Here in Germany a growing number of women prefer a career to a family or want to have a balanced life with both a family and a great job. They just do not want to be a stay-at-home mom. However, the picture of a successful woman does not fit in everyone’s mind, especially in the mind of more conservative men. 

One of the most inspiring women to me had to deal with this kind of a man. I am talking about my mother. After she gave birth to me she wanted to apply for a job as a manager at the bank. The employer, however, did not want to take her due to the risk of another possible pregnancy and he was outrageous enough to tell her that she should rather stay at home and take care of her family. My mother, however, did not give up and fought for her dream. Today she has a leading position at one of the biggest banks in Germany and she is also a mother of three children. She, like many other successful women like for instance Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton are such role models to me, encouraging me to always fight for my dreams and never give up. 

Unfortunately, the workplace is not the only place where a woman may have to face sexism and discrimination. Let me get to my next point which, for me personally is one of the most disappointing and frustrating ones. Thinking of school, many of us associate it with a place where children are prepared for their future and their life. A sad truth is the fact that often enough oppression of women and inequality even start at this place which is actually supposed to teach young people the exact opposite. In other words, certain girls who are probably going to one of the hardest times in their life - which is puberty - have to deal with discrimination and sexism. It may happen that a girl is not even able to go to school in a dress and a little bit of makeup on or just because of her being ambitious about her work and education without being judged by certain people and, in the worst cases, receiving disrespectful comments. Astonishingly enough, a girl may not only be judged by her male schoolmates but also by her female ones who even start rumors and put her down. 

This has always been and still is an act I will never be able to understand. In my opinion, girls should support each other instead of supporting the prejudice which many people have of girls and young women who like to dress up and who work ambitiously. More shocking to me - besides the judgment by other students - is the fact that many girls have to deal with the judgment by their teachers. I myself had to deal with such teachers. At the age of 14 I was told by one of my teachers that women are not made to be politically engaged since we are “too emotional”. At the age of 17 I also heard a teacher say that in his opinion a woman belongs in the kitchen. After hearing all this at a young age I was kind of devastated and frustrated but as I grew older those things did not really affect me any more. They even started to strengthen me and thus I have become more determined to work and study even harder in order to succeed in life and to show people who think they have to make brazen comments that I can do it. I have actually grown into a confident young woman and an ambitious individual. 

Nevertheless, we have to keep in mind that many people, especially girls at a young age might not know how to deal with discrimination or judgment and might get affected badly by shattering comments like the ones mentioned above. This can actually lead to consequences like causing a low self-esteem or in worst cases making large numbers of girls and young women give up their dreams. Generally speaking, the key to stop oppression and discrimination is to believe in yourself and your abilities. You should never let anyone bring you down or let them put obstacles in your way. I would suggest to every female to always focus on your strengths and dreams and make them come true. If you focus on that you will grow as an individual. It is also important that women support each other in order to create equality and eliminate discrimination. 

Most importantly we have to respect ourselves in order to earn respect from others. We have to be confident enough and must bring that confidence to the outside world in order to achieve our goals and to show everyone that a woman can be more than just an emotional housewife and mother. Like Michelle Obama said: “There is no limit to what we as women can accomplish.”