"I am a Woman" by Defne Demirer

“Haram, ayıp.” “I would think twice before I wear that.” “She didn’t resist to rape? She is equally guilty then.” “Am I going to use mass transit? If so, that dress I bought could wait for a little more.”

Being a woman.

Unfortunately this is the biggest challenge faced in my country. It is what we blame ourselves for, it is what we are blamed for, when actually it is something to be celebrated and empowered. Our culture expects lot from women; being a sister, being a mother, being a wife... In a world where women are continuing to be oppressed and are told to shrink themselves, Turkey’s situation isn’t any better. Occupying any kind of space that is larger or equivalent to men is considered “too brave”, abnormal, or rebellious. A woman should stay at home, she shouldn’t talk too much, she doesn’t have the same opportunities when it comes to education, or jobs, she should sit properly, with her legs crossed, she should be minion, she should lose weight... Everything “optimal” about a woman in our society is related to being minimal, and passive. The only exception of a woman occupying a larger space than a man that is considered valid is when she is pregnant; again, a duty assigned by society.

As you can see, the society was built so that we couldn’t have any control over our decisions about ourselves, not even our bodies. When I make the same conversations with men, they say that I exaggerate. The only thing I have to say that is that they are not women; they don’t face the same challenges and carry the burden of possible threats everyday when they are walking in the streets, or using the bus. There is no one who calls out names, or who tries to assault them physically. They don’t wake up every morning thinking what they should be wearing, and limiting themselves. On the other hand, I never get close to understanding women not defending each other. We are caught in monotonous, oppressive cultural norms that neither can we realize the burdens of the roles assigned to us, but also when it is time for discussion, we are never active and never at the table for the final say. Instead, we keep blaming and insulting each other as women, in the patriarchal hegemony that everyone is caught up in. The fog of oppression never lifts up.

Sadiye is a primary school teacher, wakes up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise, she has to get her husband and her very precious sons ready for the day; only then she can start cleaning the house and go to work. She never even once questions what she does, and keeps obeying her careless husband. Sadiye is a woman.

Ayşegül is a nurse; she uses the bus everyday to go to work. After a long day with a previous night shift, she is returning home, with her shorts on. A man starts kicking and beating her, claiming that she is provocative. The trial is done with in a matter of days; and the man gets his release soon after. Ayşegül is a woman.

We are all women, ashamed of what we are, forced to cover ourselves, and that’s why being a woman is the hardest challenge faced in this community; it is the consequence of culture that became a part of the collective societal memory.

The only solution to this problem most probably starts from supporting each other as women, seeing beyond what is expected from us, and not attaching to restricting norms. This may be achieved by proper education, and being aware of what is happening in our community. If I wasn’t writing this you wouldn’t have met Ayşegül, or me, and learn about

what we go through in everyday of our lives. The most crucial solution in the end, I believe, is being active and raising our voices. This is how we can have the power we deserve.

As women, we want our right of consent; we want to be in an environment where we are not objectified because of our physical features; we don’t want anything beautiful and loveable about ourselves, and about our bodies to be a source of threat, or something to be ashamed of, or something to be hidden. We don’t want to face the challenge or the burden of being a woman in our country, or even in the world. We want freedom. We want fresh air.